A great man died February 16th, 2009, a man I wish I got to know better, a quisessential man's man, my Pop, my father Bill. I had one fantastic father. He was the gentlest, kindest, smartest, most generous man you’d ever find. That’s not just me saying that, either. Everyone who knew him loved him and he loved life. Bill loved to give and gave everything for his family. I haven't been able to write about it much because it still seems so surreal. Bill had lymphatic cancer, but had beaten it. Not many even knew that he went through two hard years of radiation and treatments. He worked everyday, he grew up not knowing how not to work. Im not saying that he didnt love to work and Im sure he would have worked til he was 90 if he could have. The man made goals and stuck through the thick and thin and never gave up even til the very day he passed.
It was hard seeing the deterioration from when he went into the hospital in late November for back surgery til he lost movement in his arms and legs. The cancer attacked his spine and spread to his brain. But he just wanted to go home and fought every day to do just that. I wish I could spend more nights watching House with him late on the USA network and telling him that we would find our own House Dr. to help him. We would laugh together and call the his doctor House. He never gave up on us or himself and neither did we on him. He fought through the pain with the virtuosity of a 20 year old and gave me more strength than I have ever known was in me through him.
Bill was an outdoors man through and through. He loved to hunt and fish and most of all to work outside whether in the yard or garden, a trait that that wasn't passed on to me. But some of my best memories are helping him outside when I was young, teaching me how to mow and pull weeds or cultivate the garden and plant vegetables. I hated this but now I look back and am so thankful for those moments with him and his smile when I refused to pull another weed. He took me to Blazer games and made me a die hard Blazer fan and he loved to watch Blazer basketball games with me while he was in the hospital.
My mom was with him nearly every night and their love has shown me the magic of true love. Through the good and very bad their love never wavered and in the darkest of the hours I would look over and she would be holding his hand after she fell asleep next to him in the hospital. Bill was a special man who brought everyone together in life gave everything and gave everything for the benefit of his family. He is the kind of man that drove 1 1/2 hours to work back and forth when we lived in Texas to allow us to live in a safe neighborhood where we as kids could ride our bikes and never look over our shoulders. He worked from 6am but always made dinner most nights and never missed an opportunity to be there at a sports practice or school event even if that meant he had to work extra hours. He never left us wanting for more and he lived for our happiness.
I still cant find the words from my lips to say how much now I appreciate everything he gave to me and everyone he came in contact with. I'm sad that he will never be here for my wedding or hold my children but I know that he is with us in spirit and through everything he taught me which hit me like a brick after he passed. I took a lot of things for granite from him but he told me he was proud of my photography and my passion for something. I hope one day I can feel I have made him as proud as I am that he was my father.
As I look back, as we always do in times like this, I wish I’d been more generous in my affection toward him. Still, I don’t think I could ever pay him back for everything he gave me. I'm glad his pain and suffering is gone but I would gladly take on that pain and suffering to have him here again for more memories.
My pop had this magic about him that his caretakers, doctors and nurses immediately picked up on. They doted on him and pampered him and even amused him with their banter and counter anwryness . The night before he passed I felt something in my stomach and in my heart and I drove to him in the middle of the night. I held his hand and I made sure to tell him I loved him. And though he could barely speak he said to me, “I love you, too.” I miss you Pop and hope you are living like the star that shined so brightly while you were here wherever you are and you are in a better place.
" Go Blazers " as he would say!
